If Social Media Platforms Were People

7 August 2019

If Social Media Platforms were people

Ok, you’ve heard of all the big social media platforms; in fact, we can’t get away from them! Every day I meet with businesses and can instantly see which platforms their business needs to be on… what a beautiful talent.

The theory behind it comes from firstly understanding their target audience, secondly understanding the platforms themselves and who inhabits them.

This gave me an idea… instead of boring everyone with a wordy explanation of each platform’s algorithm’s, I’ll show you what each site would be like as a person.

Yes, you are about to “friend” Facebook.

Facebook

Catch Phrase: FAKE NEWS

Age Range: 25-34… closely followed by 45-54

Fun Fact: They know what you’re doing, all the time #Stalker

Facebook is that person who knows everything about everybody.

New dog? Grandma died? Birthday? Facebook knows… and you best believe they have already made a video for you to share on the special day.

This is kind of cool until they keep talking about your ex… or that time you got too drunk in the pub. Where’s the mute button?

Facebook is also very vocal about what they are doing, what they’re eating, what they like. You don't want to know every detail of Facebook's life, but you're going to.

You can’t 100% trust Facebook… sure they’ll show you some pretty cool stuff, but I’m not sure Trump is actually married to Boris Johnson, Karen. FAKE NEWS.

LinkedIn

Catch Phrase: Will you read my CV?

Age Range: 30-61

Fun Fact: Will wear a suit to the pub #AlwaysReady 

LinkedIn is all business, all the time.

They are the person who lives at the office, they are always looking for the next opportunity to expand their CV or sell you their services.

Instagram

Catch Phrase: Living my best life

Age Range: 18-30

Fun Fact: Can make Woburn Zoo look like a safari in Kenya #ad

Instagram is that popular kid in school who always looks their best, is always doing the coolest things, and is taking a thousand pictures along the way.

They’ll be the one to walk into you on the street because they were looking at their phone. Urgh.

Instagram can be quite cool though; they’ll always be on hand to spot the best place for a candid pic. They know your best angle and how to get the attention of the guy you like… a cool caption and a couple of hashtags can go a long way.

They are also very business savvy, want long hair? Want the perfect body? Want that dress? Instagram can tell you how… then make some money back from the company. #influencerlife

Snapchat

Catch Phrase:

Age Range: 14-25

Fun fact: Has the memory of a goldfish #FilterWhatFilter

Snapchat is the living embodiment of the word "YOLO". They always know the latest trends before they become cool, but by the time Facebook has found out about it, that trend won’t be seen on any Primark T-Shirt worn by Snapchat.

Snapchat is the most allusive of your new platform friends. You’ll invite them to your party, they’ll turn up, but then they’ll disappear after a few seconds. You also may not recognise them… their array of masks (filters) are next to none.

You may think they’re pretty now, but what till you see them in the morning without their filter on.

Twitter

Catch Phrase:

Age Range: 18-30

Fun Fact: They have an opinion on EVERYTHING #KeyboardWarrior

Twitter is a drama queen. They love the attention and feel the need to tell you what’s on their mind 24/7. They are always up to date with current affairs and will know all about what was said about who.

Twitter is very passive-aggressive. They only seem to speak in either short, snappy sentences or in paragraphs of up to 280 characters. Twitter is either fighting for what they believe in or sharing a witty comment.

Pinterest

Catch Phrase: I made that

Age Range: 28-40

Fun Fact: Can make anything out of everything #crafty

Pinterest’s favourite thing? Crafting. What do they craft? Everything.

This creative character loves anything inspirational, fashion, interior design, cooking, anything that they can pin on their vision board and manifest into existence.

They are super organised, from the décor at their wedding (they aren’t engaged) to the type of hat they will knit for their future grandchild. However, they are super impulsive. They’ll get a new tattoo or dye their hair a funky colour at the drop of a pin (lol), then take a picture to show how crafty they are to the world.

YouTube

Catch Phrase: Like, comment and subscribe!

Age Range: 0-100

Fun Fact: Records EVERYTHING #IKnowWhatYouDidLastSummer  

You’ll never know what you’re getting with YouTube. One day they are into gaming, the next they are qualified makeup artists, they are awesome at cake decorating, oh and they’re “vlogging” the whole thing. 

YouTube is the guy you go to when you need to gain skill or talent without having to pay a professional for it. They know EVERYTHING.

They’ll also research everything, they know all the conspiracy theories and have a direct plan of getting into Area 51.

SO… what does this mean for your business?

Well done, you made it this far!

Finding the right platform to target your audience can be a tricky one. But no need to worry… we are here.

Call us on 01733 822 227 to have a chat about how social media can change your business.

Blog post by Suzannah Clitheroe